Isolation

In the past few days there has been this reality that is sinking deep into my being. My baby is in a world of his own. I want to be a part of his world but this world he is living in is isolating. He is isolated from other children his age. He is isolated from those who love him most. Matt is so independent. Independent to a fault. He wants to do everything his way and on his own. When we are out in public places, he doesn't quite comprehend how using his cane can be helpful. At this point it is just a toy for him. Therefore being the normal inquisitive four year old, he runs full speed ahead, wanting to explore everything. The main problem with this, is that he is unable to see and will run straight into people and/or anything in his path, including danger. So I am constantly having to focus on trying to get him to stay with me and practice using me as a human guide but this often causes him great frustration and our outings often end in him throwing a major tantrum because he feels as if I am trying to control him. I often find myself abandoning whatever my task at hand was and just returning to our safe and familiar home environment. The other major reality is that his blindness has also isolated him emotionally and makes it very difficult for us to communicate with each other. He often comes across as a very loud and demanding child, who cannot seem to keep his hands off of anything. In reality he is using his other senses to explore the world in which he is unable to see through vision. He knows nothing of facial expressions and the ability to read them. He is constantly checking to make sure someone is with him because he is afraid of being alone. His way of checking to make sure he isn't alone is often yelling out. Because he is unable to see, he yells as if the person he is searching for is far away. I often find myself feeling helpless and overwhelmed. Even desperate at times. As his parent, I also feel a bit isolated.